10 days left!

I just got back from a doctor's appointment with M, and they have decided not to induce her because the latest ultrasound shows Clio measuring 8 lbs. 1 oz., which is close enough to normal to let M go into labor naturally. However, if she goes past her due date I'm pretty sure the docs are going to want to induce her. The NP we talked to today seemed concerned about M's blood sugar levels and grilled her a bit on her eating habits, but I think they realize that they aren't going to get very far with a woman at 38 wks 4 days who is just trying to hang on until the end. M doesn't seem very compliant with the diet (she tells me all the time about the bread and pasta and Sonic drinks she's "cheating" with), and the fact that Clio isn't measuring big gives her some encouragement that she's not hurting the baby with her eating. I'm just praying that Clio's blood sugar is OK after she's born.

M had a few contractions last week, but hasn't had any in the past 2 days and she's only dilated 2 cm at this point. We had a funny conversation about castor oil, walking the mall and such. M says that her mother used castor oil and orange juice successfully with her first baby, but that she could taste the castor oil when she burped for 2 weeks afterward. Yuck!

Eeyore Update

Mollie was here to finish! Here's Eeyore's bog: And here's a close-up of the man himself:

Done! Except for poor Eeyore...

Mollie was here on Sunday and finished up all of the painting except for Eeyore's bog. J and I then cleaned up the room and laid the Flor carpet tiles I posted about in April. Here are the latest nursery pics!

This is the view walking in the door. You can see our old green couch here, which is in the nursery for a very practical reason: it is a sofa bed and J and I moved it up to this room to serve as a guest bed and we moved it by ourselves. If you've ever moved a sofa bed you'll understand why that was in italics. Now that it's in this room we are way to lazy to ever move it out. Plus, it'll make a great place to sit and nurse Clio and read to her eventually. Off to the left you can see Betsy Butterfly, Clio's laundry hamper from Amazon (a gift from my friend Adele). So cute!
Here is the view of the crib, and you can see her Moses basket on the floor on the right. That will eventually be in our room and she'll sleep there while I'm establishing breastfeeding.
Here is the view of the corner opposite the crib, where you can see Clio's bookshelves, changing table/dresser and diaper pail, with Rabbit in his garden above.
Finally, the is is the corner by the door where Eeyore is still sad about being last to be painted. Poor Eeyore. He'll get done tomorrow and I'll post a new picture just for Jen because he is her favorite. Poor Eeyore also has a purple bow on his tail because he had to be painted in a little girl's room.

Privilege

**Sorry, this is very long. Go get yourself a cup of tea before you start reading. :)**

Now for something more serious than pictures of my nursery and baby showers. I recently read this post on Anti-Racist Parent, which originated from this post on Social Class & Quakers. It is a meme that many blogs have been doing lately, developed originally as a "game" to play in a large group to reveal the privilege associated with certain races and social classes. The idea is to take a step forward if any of the below apply to you, so that the most privileged in the group end up ahead with the less privileged behind them. In blog form, the idea is to just bold the items that apply to me.

Father went to college (University of Virginia...go Wahoos!)
Father finished college
Mother went to college (U.Va. as well...where they met)
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home (this includes all my parents' professional books, without those I don't think we had over 500)
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18 (soccer, piano, horseback riding, ballet)
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school
Went to summer camp (only one summer, though)
Had a private tutor before you turned 18
Family vacations involved staying at hotels (Motel 6 baby!)
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them
There was original art in your house when you were a child
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course (this is such a recent question...nobody I knew did this...)
Had your own TV in your room in High School
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family (really a mini-cruise...England to Sweden)
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family

This helped me realize how privileged I am and made me think about how M and T would be far behind me (based on what I know about them from their home studies) if we were playing the game in person. Here's what I think Clio's profile will look like some day:

Father went to college
Father finished college
Mother went to college
Mother finished college
Have any relative who is an attorney, physician, or professor
Were the same or higher class than your high school teachers
Had more than 50 books in your childhood home
Had more than 500 books in your childhood home
Were read children's books by a parent
Had lessons of any kind before you turned 18
Had more than two kinds of lessons before you turned 18
The people in the media who dress and talk like me are portrayed positively
Had a credit card with your name on it before you turned 18 (Definitely not. We will teach her the ways of Dave Ramsey and keep her away from credit card debt!)
Your parents (or a trust) paid for the majority of your college costs
Your parents (or a trust) paid for all of your college costs
Went to a private high school (I doubt it, since the public schools in our city are excellent)
Went to summer camp
Had a private tutor before you turned 18 (I don't really understand this one, but if she needs one, she'll have one)
Family vacations involved staying at hotels (because Daddy travels so much and gets hotel points, she'll be staying in Westins and Sheratons...much nicer than what I stayed in as a kid!)
Your clothing was all bought new before you turned 18 (this is silly...I love finding garage sale bargains, even though we could afford new)
Your parents bought you a car that was not a hand-me-down from them (what?!!! In my opinion, NEVER give a teenager a new car. They will wreck it, quickly.)
There was original art in your house when you were a child (starting with, the nursery mural!)
Had a phone in your room before you turned 18 (no, she can just take the cordless into her sanctuary if she needs to)
You and your family lived in a single family house
Your parent(s) owned their own house or apartment before you left home
You had your own room as a child (I don't know about this one...depends on how many more babies we adopt, since we only have 2 spare rooms)
Participated in an SAT/ACT prep course (I guess, if all the other kids are doing it...)
Had your own TV in your room in High School (absolutely NOT...encourages antisocial behavior in teenagers I think)
Owned a mutual fund or IRA in High School or College
Flew anywhere on a commercial airline before you turned 16
Went on a cruise with your family (J hates cruises, so probably not)
Went on more than one cruise with your family
Your parents took you to museums and art galleries as you grew up
You were unaware of how much heating bills were for your family (we want to give her a financial education, so I think we'll expose her to things like this)

For the record, I question the validity of some of these items in terms of their accuracy in measuring privilege, since technically J and I can provide all 34 to Clio but we will choose not to do so for some of the things we disagee with.

So, just as I have 25 bolded, Clio will probably have the same amount some day. If M and T decide to keep her (they can change their minds up until 48 hours after birth), she'll most likely have between 1 and 12 (based on what I know about them, and allowing that their incomes might rise in the future).

I think that one of the most significant reasons M and T are deciding to give Clio up for adoption has to do with the fact that they fear they will only be able to give her 1 or 2 items on this list, although of course I don't think they are thinking about it in precisely these terms. They know from our homestudy, which includes our financial information and an interview about how we plan to parent, that we can give Clio all 34 if we choose to.

I feel bad about this, though, because I know as a privileged person that privilege does not bring happiness. I don't think that Clio is going to be a better or happier person for having 25 on her list as opposed to having 5 or 10 or none! I feel like M and T and J and I are matched well in terms of 1. they want us to raise Clio and 2. we want to raise Clio, but we are not matched well in terms of our intentions. M and T intend to give Clio more things by giving her to us, but J and I care little about things (despite my fixation on posting about things recently! :) ) and instead want Clio to be part of our family and share our love. Clio could just as easily get the family and love parts of the equation with M and T. From meeting them, I have no doubt that they will shower her with love and be devoted parents if they choose to keep her.

So, I guess I'm feeling guilty that because I'm a privileged person I get to be the one to love Clio and because M and T were born into families without privilege, they "can't" keep Clio and love her on a personal and daily basis the way we will be able to.

I'm thinking of this in terms of the movie Sliding Doors with Gwyneth Paltrow...anybody see it? It's like the butterfly effect...how our choices changes the course of a life. I just wonder if in some fantasy world, if I could sit down and talk to "Clio who grew up with J and me" and "Clio who grew up with M and T"...I know which Clio would probably be healthier and more "successful," but which one would be happier? Adopted kids often bear deep psychological wounds as they come to accept the fact that their parents aren't biologically related to them and that their biological parents gave them up. We have read books about how to prevent Clio from being inordinately hurt by this, but we can't cushion her 100% from the very real trauma of her emotions when she is finally old enough to really understand this part of herself. I can't help but feel that J and I are taking away a piece of Clio's happiness by taking her away from M and T. The only thing that stops me from feeling overwhelmed by sadness at this thought is the reality that if we don't adopt her, some other family will. And, we desperately want her. I just hope our devotion to her will be enough to make up for the sadness that she'll feel later in live about the Clio that could have been.

Sorry this was so long, I guess I could have just hired a therapist to listen to me... :)

Second Baby Shower

My second baby shower was this past Saturday at my good friend Holly's house. Most of the women there were from my church, but my Mom and my sister-in-law and nephew were also there! M and her mother were also there, which was fun and interesting. I hadn't spread the word far enough to the rest of the guests that M would be there, so some were quite surprised, but it was nice to have her and her mother and Clio there for the fun! We played silly games like cutting yarn to fit around M's belly and identifying baby food by smell. There were 12 jars of food and I only guessed 2 correctly, so I have a lot to learn! I did win the game where you feel baby items inside a paper bag and guess what they are...I've had some recent experience with infant stuff that helped me. :)

Holly also made a decadent chocolate cake and had a strawberry and a lemon cake made from a bakery and they were all DELICIOUS. I don't think I've ever had a cake that yummy outside a restaurant. It made me uncomfortable to see M eating cake, since she has gestational diabetes, but I tried to remind myself that I can't control her the way I'd control myself if I were pregnant.

Here is me opening a gift from my mother-in-law, who sent some adorable Baby Gap 6-12 month clothes (needed!):

Here is me opening a gift that my best friend, Jen, sent from Amazon for me to open at the shower. She sent my video monitor, What to Expect the First Year and The One-Armed Cook (which is a great book about cooking while mothering a baby and I highly recommend it!). Thanks again, Jen, you're the bestest! I am talking to M and her mom in this picture and explaining the monitor, which is why my hand is in such a funny shape:
Here's one last picture (sadly, I didn't get pictures of the cake or the rest of the guests, yet). This is of me opening a beautiful Classic Pooh print that Holly had matted and framed to hang in my nursery, along with two others. J and I are in the process of scheming how/where to hang them so that they don't conflict with the mural:
Overall it was a wonderful day and I am so grateful to my family and friends who flew/drove to be there or sent gifts for me, and to Holly for decorating and planning so beautifully. I definitely felt the love, and so did Clio, since she was there for it all!

I received several items from my registries, but also a lot of things not on the registry and I just have to ask, in all honesty, how many blankets, drool bibs, hats and onesies does one baby girl really need? I have SO MUCH in the newborn-3 month sizes, and looking at it all, it has all come from gifts, clearance racks, garage sales, second-hand from friends, etc. So I haven't spent mega bucks, except for a couple of outfits that I bought full price a few years ago during my infertility days, but however I got it, Clio now has in her closet (just for her first 3 months of life, or less):

22 onesies
11 sleepers
11 dresses
14 hats
12 infant bibs
6 blankets (excluding the 7 receiving blankets which are actually useful, which makes 13 total)
+ some pants, shirts, a few romper outfits, about a dozen pairs of socks and 5 pairs of cradle shoes...etc.

***ungrateful complaining begins here***The worst part is, with M's gestational diabetes, Clio could be born at 10 pounds or more and only wear some of these outfits for a week or so! I'm crossing my fingers she's an 8 pounder, against the odds. I did try to return some of the excess, but Target and Babies R Us don't make it very easy to return things without receipts, and it seems like the only gift receipts I have gotten are for things I don't want to return. Of course!***ungrateful complaining ends here***

Sorry. Anyhow, sorting through Clio's closet I realized that I have LOTs of little stuff, some 6-month items and several 12 month things, but very little 9 month clothes. So, I visited a Children's Place outlet a few days ago and picked up several adorable onesies and shirts in 9 month size for only 99 cents each! I was so excited. If anyone is planning to visit a CP outlet soon, e-mail me for tips on how to find the deals.

More Nursery Pics!

I am so excited to share these with you! Here is the corner of the room opposite the door...almost done except for the grass detail under Owl's tree. Isn't it adorable?! So worth the stress on my part about the money and time. Here is the completed wall where the crib will be (under Pooh) and you can see the new video monitor which Jen bought me (thanks Jen!!!) and J installed yesterday. The physics of Pooh handing from that balloon are a little sketchy, but I'm deciding to not question it and believe that the wind is blowing Pooh and the balloon toward the corner...and the bees...
Finally, here is Rabbit, fully realized with an unfinished backdrop. The orange splotches will be carrots poking out of the soil in his garden. This is on the wall that will have the changing table/dresser and bookcase. The garden will be right over the changing table and Rabbit will be right over the diaper pail. :)

Updated Nursery Pics

Updated pictures! Here are Tigger and Kanga (and Roo in her pouch): Here is Piglet (looking fat because of the angle, sorry):
Here is Owl, finished, on a 1/2 finished tree with 1/2 finished books:
I'm so excited how well these are turning out, even though it's still going pretty slowly.