Wednesday, March 26, 2008


I've been procrastinating about writing this post all evening. It's overwhelming to consider condensing a 1.5 hour conversation, full of emotions and ideas and visual impressions, into one single blog post.

That said, I'll try! First, a summary. We showed up at the office at noon (separately, as I had left from work and J had left from home after taking the whole day off). Riding up the elevator together we were so nervous we barely talked to each other. Once we got there, the pressure was off for a bit because our counselor let us know that the birthparents (arriving separately as well) were both running late. M (birthmother) arrived at about 12:15, and T (birthfather) arrived at 12:45. That gave us breathing room to chat with our counselor first, and then get to know M a bit on her own, before T arrived. We stayed until about 2, talking, and then J and I went to lunch and crib shopping (no purchase yet). Our next meeting is to take M to lunch on April 5th, and we've invited T, but he might not come. I'll probably be going to M's next doctor's appointment with her, in about a month.

Overall: it was awkward! How weird to meet people for the first time and for them to give you the greatest gift you've ever received! We knew it would be strange at first, which is why we're going to lunch. Outside the office and no longer strangers, I think everything will be much more relaxed.

Impressions of M: she is quiet and emotional at the same time. She teared up/cried several times during our talk, and I got the impression that she is already grieving the loss of the baby, which is normal and I'm glad that she wasn't flippant about it. She also has a good sense of humor and was quick to crack jokes to break awkward silences.

Impressions of T: he is a very intense person, the type who only speaks when he has something specific to say (as opposed to J and I, who will run on at the mouth endlessly when given the chance). I had a hard time reading him at first, but toward the end he shed a tear or two and I got to see his tender and emotional side.

Medical news: M had a doctor's appointment this morning (see prev. post) and the baby is weighing in on schedule; the due date is still July 6th. The doctor said the heart, spine, face, etc. all look fine and there is no concern at this point. M is on prenatal vitamins and said that she has been craving fruits and vegetables, so that is encouraging to me...maybe Clio won't be a veggie-hater when she's older!? Yeah, right. :)

What we discussed: our motivations for adoption, our emotions, interracial adoption, parenting style (no spanking, etc.), our faith (we explained what our church denomination believes), our plans for openness in the future (as yet undecided), plans to see each other in the future (lunch, dr. appts., etc.), the birth (M would like us there as soon as she goes into labor! Yay!), decorating the nursery, and names.

More about names: We asked for their opinions about our name list, and M and T both dislike Sophie, so we're crossing that one off. They both like Olivia the best, and T likes Anastasia. J and I have added another name to the list: Lucy. M and T were OK with Lucy, and it is J's current favorite. So, we're going to wait until she's born and then probably choose between Olivia, Anastasia and Lucy depending on what she looks like. We're pretty sure her middle name will be Grace, for any of the first names.

Next step: call our new lawyer tomorrow and get ready to start writing more checks!

1 comment:

  1. It sounds like things went very well! I'm so glad to hear that the parents are aware of the gravity of their decision, as that seems to make it much less likely that they will change their minds.

    And, how wonderful that M. wants you guys with her during labor and delivery. That seems like it would be a very healing experience on both sides---making you feel fully involved in the baby's entrance into the world, and giving M. a sense of closure with you as integral parts of the experience By that point, you won't be strangers anymore---you'll be people she has grown to know and feel confident about. That should only help reinforce her decision.

    Very happy for you that everything went so great. And, those pictures---I just can't stop looking at them!


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