Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Meeting G

We got to meet G today! We talked for about an hour in our SW's office and discussing things like what our families are like, what kind of home life we envision for Clio (that was a hard question since we're first time parents and don't really know yet...), what kind of openness we are comfortable with, his feeling about the adoption, his relationship with R, his family...

Here are some tidbits I can share (you all know I love bulleted lists):
  • G wants to cut Clio's cord, hold her for a few minutes, and then pass her off to us for us to care for her the rest of the time in the hospital (i.e. he is still planning to be R's birth coach)
  • G's mother offered (when she first heard about R's pregnancy) to parent Clio, because there are all boys in G's family and she's never had a daughter or granddaughter. But, she is older (after all, G is 44!) and she realizes it's not the right thing to do. When I mentioned that I could create a website with photos of Clio for the family to enjoy, G said his mom would check it every day. :) (Yes, this is scarily similar to our situation with T and his mother, but all I can do about that is pray that God's will be done in this situation.)
  • G was relieved to hear that we will be able to send Clio to college some day with no student loans...he said that was the whole point of the adoption for him; he says he can't take care of himself financially, let alone a baby. Again, sounds a lot like what M & T said up until that fateful Sunday. (Difference: G says his mom and dad don't have money to share...yes, we asked. We are that paranoid.)
  • He was "anti-religion" for most of his life, but says that now he is a Christian and he says that God has reassured him that this adoption is the right thing. I would be a lot more excited about this if it weren't that M & T AND T'S MOTHER! told me that our raising Lucy "was God's plan" on Friday and Saturday...
  • G says that he is still in love with R, so it will be interesting to see, over the years, whether they stay together. Again, this "birth parents in love" scenario gives me the creepy M & T vibe (creepy because of the result, not because of the people involved).
  • We shared J's grandmother's name and nickname with G and he likes it! We might have a winner. He also likes Beatrix for a middle name.
  • He said that he's been working on writing a letter to Clio, explaining how hard it was to decide to place her for adoption, and how much he loves her. He says that he works on the letter every night but can't get it "right." Awww...melts my heart! I can't wait to share that letter with Clio some day.
  • We took a picture with him, the three of us, and he promised to give us/send us photos of R and both of their families so that we can make the family tree scrapbook that I'd like to have for Clio as she grows up.
  • He expressed that when he first heard R was pregnant he was taken aback because he wasn't ready to be a dad again, then he got excited about having a daughter for the first time, and now he is sad but realizes it is the only and best option. It was heart-breaking to see him tear up while talking about this and reminded me of how I felt seeing T tear up discussing the same thing at our match meeting. Sigh.
  • Our discussion about openness went extremely well. He asked if it would be OK if he wrote Clio letters and sent presents for birthdays and Christmas. I said "of course!" and added that if he'd like to be invited to milestone celebrations (as I wrote previously about M & T: baptism, 1st birthday party...high school graduation (SOB!)...wedding (SOOOBBBB!!)) we would be happy to have him there, and R if she ever decides she'd like more openness. He seemed overjoyed to have us not shut him down, but later tonight while talking to my mom I realized that I'm going to have to talk to him about the presents. I'm fine with him sending presents, but I think they need to be consistent. I'd hate to have to deal with explaining to Clio why she would get presents one year but not for two years after that and then suddenly get another present. Kids need consistency, right? But, with G's financial situation we can't expect him to always be able to afford gifts. So, what I'm thinking is that maybe we'll tell him to keep them small so that he can be consistent. I'm also thinking (and I know I'm thinking way too far ahead here) that if he can't afford a gift one year I'll ask him to call and let me know so that I can buy something and label it from him, to maintain the consistency? I don't know, though, about the dishonesty of that, for Clio. Suggestions?
  • Overall, I like the guy. He's friendly, articulate (for a man that is...haha), good-looking and in touch with his emotions. What more can we ask for in a birth father?


  1. I have no experience with open adoptions. Our adoptions were so *closed* in fact, that I'm still having trying to get medical info for my youngest (age 40). His dr wants all possible medical history. Evidently, South Carolina didn't consider the birth parent's family medical history relevant. After an exchange of letters, forms, and phone calls they are *searching the records* to see if there is anything. I've been told there probably isn't. In the 1960's these questions weren't routinely asked!

    How sad.

  2. Glad the meeting went so well. He seems like a really great guy.
    Praying with all of my might for you guys!

  3. I'm so, so glad the meeting went well, and that he seems like a nice man. He also seems honest and about things---I think that's a good sign that he is fully aware of the decision he is making.

    But, I can also understand your continued hesitancy, especially in light of the eerie similarities to your last encounter with a birth father. Your caution makes sense, but I hope that in a few weeks, it will no longer be needed. =)

  4. It's hard to leave something like this in God's hands, I know... I'll be praying that G follows through with God's will in this situation unlike R and T. Good luck, and try and stay sane hon!! [hug]

  5. Delurking here, just a suggestion about the gifts. If you are open about the adoption with her, it could help her to better understand the decision that they made. That they wanted to be able to buy her everything that she needed but couldn't. They want to send her a gift every year but maybe sometimes they won't have the money, but they always love her. Maybe he could send a card with a heartfelt message that you could save for her over the years. I'm sure that you will find the right thing to say when you get to that point. You obviously have a big heart that you're willing to share important parts of her life with them.
    Praying for you that everything goes well!


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