Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Name Drama

We were supposed to meet G today, but when we showed up at our SW's office, he didn't come. She says it's not like him, so he might have forgotten or something is going on. She's going to call and let us know once she talks to him and finds out. But, I'm disappointed because we were excited to meet him. I was going to post about the meeting, but instead I'll write about the naming drama that is going on around here.

First of all, is it or is it not too weird to keep "Beatrix" for a middle name? We just love it so much and love that it means "bringer of joy" because that's exactly how we feel about adopting. But, we can find another name that means something good if it's weird to use it again. Advice?

Second, we are dealing with grandma drama. Not Clio's grandmas, but ours. My maternal grandma is very interested in names and tried to convince my mother to name me Deidre when I was in utero. Obviously, my mother ignored her. The very first phone call with my Grandma about Lucy, back when she was still Clio, yielded the same result. "I think Deidre is a nice name, don't you?" She is so persistent! I expressed to her at that time that we weren't taking suggestions, but she doesn't listen. With this Clio, she was even more pushy and in the very first conversation I had with her she suggested her own name: "Joan." Please. When I laughed off her suggestion, she moved on to pushing "Vanessa." No. Yesterday she called me and suggested "Luanne." !!!

What makes this situation worse is that one of the names we are considering right now is J's maternal grandma's name. This grandma has passed away, but J was very close to her and I got to know her quite well also.

Pros to J's grandma's name:
  • Unlike "Joan," her name has a very cute way to shorten it and make it more modern.
  • This grandma was such a sweet, wonderful woman and pretty much the archetypal grandmother character. She was very smart and adventurous and we'll have great stories to tell Clio about her namesake.

Cons to J's grandma's name:

  • It is old-fashioned, like "Joan," and even though we'll call her the cute shortened version, I've always been told it's a mistake to name a baby something you don't really like and won't call her. For a long time I really liked "Josephine" for a girl so that I could call her "Josie," but I just don't like "Josephine" enough to risk that she'll want to be called that when she's eight, or fourteen, or whenever. The name we are considering is old-fashioned enough that I'm sure many people will cringe when we announce it and ask "what were they thinking?!" I know that shouldn't influence me, but it does. Rest assured, the shortened version is cute and people who don't like it are just wrong. :)
  • Grandma Drama! My grandma (the one I wrote about above) will inevitably find out how we chose the name (we're not sure she knows what J's grandma's name was, because they only met once, at the wedding) because it's too big a secret to keep forever, and when she finds out she will be offended. I'm sure of it. On top of that, I have another grandma who passed away several years ago and J has another grandma who is living. I doubt J's living grandma will be offended, but you never know. There's a slight chance that family on my dad's side could be mildly miffed, but the grandma on that side had a very unusual name and I think everyone will understand. I'm really worried about my grandma. She is a "difficult" person and we've all learned that it's in our best interest to keep her happy (I have a long history of failing at this). Deanna and Jen have met her and understand my dilemma. :)

OK, even though I wrote more about the cons, there are still two pros and two cons. Advice, anyone? Thanks!


  1. You know, I was JUST going to shoot you an email and ask you about this!! I was thinking you should keep Beatrix. I think it is a BEAUTIFUL name and PERFECT! As for the first name- she's YOUR child not anyone else's. Everyone hated Mira until we chose it anyway and turns out it's perfect. They'll get used to whatever you fall in love with. :)
    PS- we need to get together again!

  2. Tell dear 'ol grandma that the "J" name is the name you've chosen and here are some reasons to help you stand firm-

    1) "[Baby name] is a friend who died of ____" (pick some terrific accident that will leave her too stunned to speak. Like "Eaten by locusts."

    2) "We found the name on an online search and just fell in love with it's meaning"

    3) "We did what the Ouiji board told us to."

    4) "We closed our eyes, opened the Baby Name Book, and there it was! It was Fate, grandma!"

    5) "Our friend at church just 'had a hunch' we should name her [Baby's name], and it felt right."

    6) "We decided to name her after J's grandma because she never has given us advice about baby names!"

    hehe... :-)

  3. Name drama! I totally agree with the comment that it is your child and everyone will just get use to it! You can never please everyone with your name choices.

    My dh and I have already decided if/when I get pg we are not telling anyone our name choices until after the birth. We are just going to pretend we don't have any names picked out. :)

    Good luck!

  4. Hmm...that's a tough one. Honestly I would just go with the J name and just play dumb. When they ask you why you picked it, just say you loved the name and if they ask, "Wasn't that Grandma's name?" say, "Oh, it was wasn't it? We'll that's nice!" Although I don't know if they would believe you since it is his grandma.

    Do keep Beatrix though! Have you ever thought of using that as the first name and the other as a middle name?

    I do have to say I LOVE Vanessa. But we named her after my husband's pet duck so you know...I have no room to talk. ;)

  5. This is a tough one, but my honest opinion is that you should use the name(s) you love, regardless of your reasoning behind your choice. This is your baby, your pride and joy and you should do what makes you happy! Keep us posted on what you decide...


  6. 1..there is nothing wrong with using the same middle name...i think it's totally fine!! name that baby what you want. We've struggled w/ the same thing fro my parents. I'm a firm believer in not revealing my name until the child is born-- I don't want to hear anyone's comments or advice!! My 3rd little guy we named 'Tagg' threw our families for a loop, I'm sure. BUT we kept it a secret until he came, he's here and they love him just the same-- and I'm sure the name has grown on him.

    3..I'm going to give you my 2 cents on the name name is Rebecca, but NO ONE calls me that...I go by Becky yo everyone. It is annoying though, like in school...on the first day when they call out your 'given name'! Or all paperwork you have fill out 'Rebecca'. From this I've vowed to name my kids what they will be called. (But that's just my little opinion).

  7. I think Beatrix is beautiful and if you love it, you should get to keep it. The meaning of that name is so perfect, so appropriate---it would just be shame to let it sit by unused.

    As for the first names, you should also choose the one you like, even if it might cause some family tension. We, too, have chosen a family name (for Snippet's middle name) that might get us into a little trouble with other family members whose names were not picked. Jake and I debated it for weeks, and realized we just felt compelled to use that name---both because we loved it, and because we honestly want to give some bit of tribute to that particular family member. Its meaningfulness to us was just too much to pass up.

    As for the nicknaming, I went by "Didi" my entire childhood because I decided as a very little girl that "Deanna" didn't suit me. But, once I was grown and in college, I realized it was the exactly perfect name for me. I was so grateful it was my name, and now only my immediate family still calls me Didi (and Jake, when he's feeling cutesy.) So, Clio may be very happy to have some options when it comes to her name.


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