Thursday, July 9, 2009

Open Adoption Wishlist

I didn't participate in the second Open Adoption Roundtable because it was about fathers and A. I had just written about G shortly before the roundtable and B. I asked J to do a guest post about it and he didn't have time. Sorry!

But it's time for the third topic: our open adoption wish list. Visit Production, Not Reproduction to read the rest of the roundtable posts for this topic. My wish list is short but ambitious:

1. I wish that the right words existed in the English language to explain adoption to Evie so that she will never, ever, ever doubt the tremendous quantities of love her four parents have for her. It scares me that she's turning into a little person who understands things. One of the things she needs to understand is her adoption. J and I are responsible for using positive adoption language, telling her her story and answering her questions. I have performance anxiety. I just want to do it...perfectly.

2. I wish it were possible for Evie to have more contact with her birthmother, R.

3. I wish, hope and pray that someday Evie gets letters from R and G to put into her baby box. They both said, before she was born, that they were writing letters to her in which they talked about their love for her and explained their decision to make an adoption plan. I have yet to see any physical evidence of said letters. I dearly hope they exist and that Evie will get them someday. I believe that growing up knowing R & G will be great for her, and I hope our adoption stays open and we maintain contact. But. I have a suspicion that the importance of letters from her birthparents, written before she was born and before she was adopted, will be immeasurable to Evie some day. Talking to your birthmother about her pregnancy and decision years after the fact is one thing, but reading the words she wrote while you were still in utero? Invaluable.

4. I wish that Evie will be able to get to know her 3 half siblings some day.

5. I wish that both R and G will be able to sit next to J and I at Evie's wedding some day.


  1. I pray your wishes will come true.

  2. Karen, you are a very generous person. I wish I knew you better. I read your wishes and wants and your ability to share Evie with her birth parents so openly and I am amazed. Evie is so lucky to have you and J. as parents. Blessings on your day.

  3. I hear ya with the positive adoption language. I know I get a lot of well-intentioned comments, but they are full of the negative adoption language.

  4. I loved reading this, hon. One thing that continues to strike me though, is... I wonder if R wants to have more time with Evie, or if it's too hard for her.


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