Countdown

100 days until Clio's due date!

40 (school) days until my last day of teaching...for who knows how long.

I met with my principal yesterday and officially told her that I'm not renewing my contract for next year. She was very supportive and said very nice things about hating to lose me and knowing that I'll be a great mother. She also said that she believes every woman should stay home with her children if she is financially able to do so, because it is so fun. We'll see! :) In any case, I was relieved to hear her say that she'll write me a letter of recommendation before the end of the year, so that if the adoption falls through or when I want to return to teaching, I'll be able to find another great job.

I'm very conflicted about this decision:

Cons to resigning: I really love my job. It might sound crazy, but I'm so grateful that someone wants to pay me to talk about literature all day. :) The school environment that I'm in right now is very community- and faith-oriented and I have great principals and wonderful co-workers. That is SO not a given in a high school, and I'm afraid I will never find its like again. And, two years ago I really hated my job. First-year teaching just sucks. The past two years I feel as though I've been discovering what teaching can be, and I was looking forward to next year being the best yet. Also, that extra income is a nice cushion that has allowed J and I to spend freely (almost) and still stay out of debt and save a lot of money over the past years. With a new baby and less income, we will have to be more careful about our budget. Finally, I'm deathly afraid of becoming a boring soccer mom or a TV addict. All of you, please tell me if I'm slipping into those patterns!

Pros to resigning: My teaching schedule currently has me leaving the house at 6:45 AM and returning home at about 4 PM. This is nine full hours away from Clio and doesn't include the time I have to spend (as an English teacher) grading essays at home in the evenings and on weekends. I don't know how I would parent a 1.5 month old (in the fall) and not crash my car on the Paseo bridge by falling asleep at the wheel. Also, my private school teaching salary is so pitiful that paying for quality childcare and the gas mileage (50 miles round trip every day) would reduce my salary to approximately minimum wage. For minimum wage, I'll stay home! Finally, I just want to spend the first few years at home.

When Clio (or her younger sibling) starts pre-school, I'll probably look into part-time work. When my youngest is in grade school, I'll probably look for full-time work. That's the plan.

Speaking of plans, J and I have come up with one for attachment parenting Clio. She'll sleep in a Pack 'n' Play next to our bed whenever I'm sleeping in the bed, but she'll sleep in her crib when she's napping and I'm not asleep (so that I can get something done). That way, we can balance the co-sleeping and getting her used to her crib. I'll try to carry her in a sling whenever possible during the day. We'll try this out for a couple of months and then transition her to her crib at night when a. my milk supply becomes sufficient (hopefully) or b. we decide that the attachment parenting is not helping my milk supply. We are NOT going to put her in bed with us. Not just because it sets a precedent that J dislikes but also because our beagle sleeps in the bed and it is just not safe to have beagle and Clio both on the bed.

Any normal pet owner might wonder why we don't just kick Apollo off of the bed? Well, let's just say that he's not happy sleeping on the floor, and when Apollo is not happy about his sleeping arrangements, he pees on his sleeping arrangements. And why does he do this? He's a rescue dog from a shelter and when we got him at age 3 he had had some traumatic and neglectful living situations which have made his little brain a bit fuzzy and nutsy about some aspects of life. If you ever visit our home, we'll be happy to give you a tour of the various ways in which we've adapted our house to accomodate Apollo's fuzzy brain. And while Clio will of course take precedence when she arrives, I am not ready to mess with Apollo's sleeping habits. He is an old dog and deserves some respect!